Will we ever know who the Last Jedi really is?The Eyes Of A Drunk Female Employee Are Erotic

The day may yet come when Star Wars: The Last Jedifinally clears up the question that has plagued us for 259 days: Who is this "last" Jedi? Or Jedis? Oh wait — is "Jedi" the plural? Well in that case who are THEY, etc. and so on.

If we ever get anything out of Disney/Lucasfilm — a release date, or a trailer, or a poster, or a canonical YA novel, or storm trooper vacuum cleaner or ANY SORT OF VERIFIABLE CLUE as to what this Star Warsthing is all about — maybe we can begin to piece together the answer. For now, it will remain a mystery, wrapped in an enigma, surrounded by an upwelling John Williams theme.

Vanity Fair, for its part, tried — and then did not, as there is no try — to get that answer, from everyone from Lucasfilm boss Kathleen Kennedy to The Last Jedidirector Rian Johnson. (Credit to the venerable magazine for admitting their failure in a tweet on Monday night, that took guts.)

But it was Johnson's cryptic response that solidified this Last Jedithing as the greatest movie-spoiler mystery of 2017:

It’s Luke.

— Rian Johnson (@rianjohnson) October 10, 2017

There you go, just more deception and deflection. Typical.

Who knows? If Disney ever tells us anything about The Last Jedi, maybe we'll begin to piece together other questions, like, who is this Empire that struck back? Will the Jedi ever return? When did the Star Wars take place, and where?

Keep your eyes peeled for clues, young padawans.

Patience you must have.